


Do you ever try to come to the other side?

by JohnDoe221B



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: After Life, Angst, Canon Compliant, Discussion of Death, Hurt/Comfort, Louis-centric, M/M, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, and also a sad happy ending, but also AU, if that makes sense, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:30:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnDoe221B/pseuds/JohnDoe221B
Summary: “How can I be dead and still talk to you?”“Because you didn’t leave yet.” She said matter-of-factly. Please don’t get mad. I hate when they get mad. I have nothing to do with your death. I’m just here with you and I want to be your friend. We can have a lot of fun. And when you are ready, you can leave.”“Leave where?”“Don’t know. Everyone before you left after a while. Like into the light or something.”“Why are you still here?” Louis decided to play along. Maybe he could filter some true information out of the weird stuff Nadia told him.“I like it here! It’s great. I can run up and down the halls. I can play at the playground over there.” She pointed ahead and suddenly Louis saw it. OrLouis finds himself trapped in a place he doesn’t know and most definitely doesn’t like. He meets a little girl who tries to help him understand the situation. But what if that girl was wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to my lovely beta, please visit her, she writes great stuff ;)  
> [pinky_heaven19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinky_heaven19/)

Bright. It was too damn bright. Louis squeezed his eyes shut, his head throbbing with pain. He gazed around the room. Plain. White. Empty.

Where was he? He took a deep breath. It smelled clean. Not like the sweet freshness of laundry or the slightly lemony scent of their waxed floors or Harry’s hair right after a shower- clean, nothing like this.

 _Sterile_. It just smelled sterile. Almost like nothing. Fresh nothingness. Louis shook his head at this thought. Does nothingness even have a smell? And if so, what would that be? Well, probably like this place.  He looked around again.

Nothing. And again the question ahead was: Where was he?

“Hello? Is someone here? Where am-” Louis stopped. That was not his voice. Or was it? It sounded weak, almost small. He tried again, clearing his throat first.

“What the hell is going on? HELLO?” Nothing changed, neither the foreign tone that escaped his mouth nor the silence in the room. Finally he tried to move. He should have done this earlier, he thought. Why didn’t he move?

The strangest thing, and there were many at the moment to be honest, was that Louis didn’t even know if he was standing, or sitting. Maybe he was lying down? It didn’t matter. He had to do something, so he tried moving his legs, they felt heavy. Too heavy. He started panting. All of a sudden the fresh nothingness felt like thick hot fog. It burned his throat, slowly traveling down into his lungs. They screamed with every breath he took. Louis knew what a panic attack felt like, this was different. He sure had every right to panic, but that wasn’t it. Thinking of it, Louis felt calm. Calmer than ever. And still his lungs hurt, his voice sounded nothing like his own, his legs were heavy and he had no idea where he was. And all Louis felt was-

What _was_ he feeling?

Great, back to the nothingness. Louis knew it was wrong to say he felt nothing, with all the weird _symptoms_ he had, but then again, who was there to tell him that he was wrong? Louis decided. He felt nothing. Yes, this seemed legit. The air seemed to go back to its old consistence as soon as he accepted the situation. Nothing seemed to be the keyword here, so Louis rolled with it. He would stay put and wouldn’t even try to move. This must have an end at some point, so why exhaust himself if everything was going to sort itself out eventually?

“Don’t worry, it won’t be like this forever.” This was not his voice. Not even the one that escaped earlier. He wasn’t talking! He was sure.

So, Louis wasn’t alone! Should he do something? Didn’t he just decide to do nothing? Maybe he should stick to that and this other voice would go away.

“Don’t be scared! I just want to help you. I couldn’t hurt you, even if I wanted.”

Louis recognized this as a female voice. Young, very young. Even younger than his own sounded earlier. Was someone here with him? Why couldn’t he see her? His eyes were opened, that much he knew. He still was able to see the nothingness.

“Where are you? Who are you?” He squeaked. 

“Oh you can hear me? That was fast. Hi, I’m Nadia. It means _filled with hope_.” The voice said proudly. Louis liked her tone. It was soothing, making him feel warmer.

“It’s not like I’m trying to rush you or anything but would you like to stand up? I can help you.”

Louis nodded, or at least he thought he did. He must have done something, because before he knew it, he was standing on his feet, feeling lighter than ever. This girl really did help him.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, no problem! As morbid as it sounds, I’m happy to have someone with me here. It was getting really boring.”

“What do you mean, morbid?” Louis tried to move slowly. His legs felt weak and he was shaking. A small hand was touching his elbow for support and still it took a while for him to get used to the new feeling in his limbs.

“Oh here comes the hard part.” The girl said puffing like a five year old that didn’t want to clean her room.

“Before I tell you-“ she started. Louis looked at his elbow and tried to make out the person touching him. His eyes slowly focused on a small skinny frame. It was nothing more than a silhouette, floating next to him.

“Tell me your name.” She finally finished.

Louis thought for a second. Maybe longer. He had a name, he knew that. Everyone had a name. What was his?

“It’s okay, just concentrate for a moment. It will come to your mind, you just need to think.”

“Lewis. No, Lou. Louis?” He asked, as if she knew any better.

“Louis? I can work with this. And if you think it is the wrong one, than just tell me, but for now I will call you Louis.”

Louis? Yes, it sounded right. He was sure it was his name. A warm sensation ran through his body. He slightly pulled away from Nadia’s grip and tried walking on his own. It worked. He was walking without help.

“See, it gets better. I’m proud of you. We will have so much fun together.” Louis could make out the small frame in front of him jumping around.

“How old are you, Nadia?” He asked. There might have been more important question at hand, but Louis wanted to know.

“Don’t know. I think I was 10 when I came here. Not sure how much time went by since then. What about you?”

Ten? Louis was taken aback. This was young for-

Well, for what? For being here? He still had no clue where or what _here_ even was. So how could he judge if ten was too young?

“I’m 24.” There was no doubt this time. He remembered celebrating his birthday with Harry.

_Harry_

Louis felt a rush of energy. He looked at Nadia, who suddenly became clearer to him. A little girl with green eyes and chestnut hair, almost the same color as his own. He knew that, because Harry always said how much he loves his hair.

_Harry_

“Nadia, where are we?” He tried to calm himself down. He needed to know. He must find Harry. What if he was in a similar place? Not knowing what’s going on. This time he felt the panic rise. He looked around. He wasn’t in the same room anymore. They must have walked the entire time. Everything still looked obnoxiously blank. A long hall with white walls, a slightly grayish floor and too bright lights on the ceiling.

“Louis, like I mentioned earlier. That’s the hard part.” The little girl stopped walking and mentioned ahead into the nothingness. “Let’s go outside. I know an amazing spot. We can talk there.”

Without even questioning it Louis went along. He would only have to wait longer if he didn’t obey right away. Nadia might be still a kid, but she seemed so sure of herself and the situation that Louis didn't dare to argue. He was the stranger here and she needed to guide him, so much he had figured out already.

They walked. Louis had no idea for how long. Time was something that had not much meaning here. Another thing he discovered fairly quickly. Pun not intended.

“Let’s sit down and I will explain everything to you.” Standing in front of an old wooden bench, Louis didn’t know what to think. This was the first thing in color. Dark brown with a few lighter spots were the paint had chipped. Both of them sat down. Louis watched Nadia impatiently play with her tiny fingers. Was she nervous? Suddenly he recognized what she was wearing. It was a light blue dress with little red, yellow and purple butterflies on it. It looked cute. He kept staring, completely fascinated by the colors. It almost felt like he had never been able to see them in his life. Like he spent the last years in grayness. But he didn’t, he knew that. His life was colorful and he loved it.

“Louis. You are dead.”

It was a rushed mumble. He must have misheard though. He stared at Nadia and she offered a small smile, that didn’t reach her eyes. Not even close. She faked it and Louis hated it.

“I don’t know what happened to you, but I know you are dead. It’s a lot to take in, I know, but please don’t freak out. It is going to be okay. You can stay here as long as you want. And when you are ready you can leave.” The words just blurred out of her tiny mouth. She was nervous. Not like a child that told a lie, though it sure sounded like one. No, Nadia was terrified. And so was Louis. A ten or something year old girl just tried to tell him he was dead. What does one make out of this?

“I’m not dead, angel. Please don’t say something like this. That is creepy.”

He watched Nadia close her eyes. She had this conversation before, he was sure.

“Yes you are. And I’m really really sorry about that, Louis, but it is what it is. You died and now you are here with me in _this in between world_. I’m not sure how I should call it, but I think in between world in pretty fitting.” Louis rubbed his eyes and moaned. He didn’t want to get mad at this girl, but this was ridiculous.

“How can I be dead and still talk to you?”

“Because you didn’t leave yet.” She said matter-of-factly. Please don’t get mad. I hate when they get mad. I have nothing to do with your death. I’m just here with you and I want to be your friend. We can have a lot of fun. And when you are ready, you can leave.”

“Leave where?”

“Don’t know. Everyone before you left after a while. Like into the light or something.”

“Why are you still here?” Louis decided to play along. Maybe he could filter some true information out of the weird stuff Nadia told him.

“I like it here! It’s great. I can run up and down the halls. I can play at the playground over there.” She pointed ahead and suddenly Louis saw it. They were in a park. Everything was now clear and in color. The green grass underneath them, the reddish paths that lead in several directions throughout the park, he even could see the playground a couple of yards away. At least three kids were playing in the sandbox. Why couldn’t he hear them? It wasn’t too far away. He should have been able to hear at least something.

He looked to his left and saw a big building with many windows. _St. Thomas Hospital_.

“What the hell? Are we in hospital?”

“We were. But now we are dead.”

Oh, how much he hated that tone of hers right now. How could she say _We are dead_ so freaking casually?

“Stop saying that. We can’t be dead. We are here. How can we be dead then?”

“I know it is hard to understand, Louis.” He felt her frustration, but honestly, he was even more frustrated with her.

“Ehm, try talking to someone. You will see. It won’t work.” She offered. Louis looked around again and only now he saw all the people rushing past him. How did he not see them minutes ago? Anyways, he got up and walked towards an old lady in a yellow dress and a stupidly large hat.

“Excuse me miss, can you tell me what time it is?” He tried as politely as possible.

Nothing.

Louis didn’t give up. “Hello? Can you hear me?” To hell with manors. And still, nothing happened. The frustration rose again in his veins. Nadia couldn’t be right. There must be another explanation. With slight panic he ran from person to person. Men, women, even kids, no one seemed to notice him. Normally he couldn’t even take out the fucking trash without being recognized. Now? Nothing.

“Louis! Please calm down. Like I said, they don’t see us. WE ARE DEAD! Dead people can’t communicate with the living. That would be creepy.”

Louis didn’t dare to turn around and face the little girl. He was furious, but he knew it wasn’t her fault.

“I have been there, Louis. It will be easier in a while. You will get used to it. Now please come here and sit down.”

It took him a few moments before he did as he was told. That didn’t mean of course that he gave up. He wasn’t dead and he knew it. No matter what Nadia tried to make him believe.

“There have been others?” He asked, voice slightly shaking.

“Yeah. Most of them were fun, as soon as they accepted the situation. There was this one girl. Nicole was her name. She was only six. I felt so sorry for her. She had her whole life ahead of her and then she died. It’s sad, honestly.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Nadia, you are only ten. Not exactly old either.”

“Oh I know, but I’m dead for so long now. It feels normal. I can’t even remember the pain I must have felt. You know the one you feel right now. I remember Tom telling me about it. He was the last one, a writer. Nice guy. He was so good with words. He described all this so nicely. And he told me stories about princesses and horses. I miss him.”

For the first time, Louis could hear Nadia’s age. She looked like a little girl, but she talked like an adult, which would be somewhat upsetting in any situation, but almost unbearable now and here.

“When did he leave?” He asked absently.

“Don’t know. A while ago.”

Right, time had no meaning here. How would she know? Louis hated the thought of her being all by herself. Dead or alive. It was not okay for a child to be wandering through the halls of a hospital, without anyone that took care of her.

“Do you know what happened to you?” What was he doing? Louis didn’t believe they were dead. Why did he keep asking questions like this?

“Don’t know. I have no memory of my death. You?”

Louis thought hard for a moment. Why didn’t he think of this earlier? He just needed to remember what he last did and maybe he would find out that this was just a bad trip. Maybe he smoked some bad weed?

He watched Nadia’s short legs swing back and forth. It was almost hypnotizing.

“I was at home with Harry, my boyfriend.” He stopped.

_Harry_

“I. Was. At. HOME.” He said slowly, trying to trigger his memory.

Nothing. Louis tried harder. How could he remember Harry, but not what happened after they celebrated his birthday?

“ _Home_? Sounds nice. I don’t even know how this feels anymore.” Louis felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He wanted to hug the girl, but he was not sure if he could.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Is okay.” She breathed back.

“Can we walk back inside? I want to take a look. Maybe something will come back.” Nadia only nodded and stood, holding out her small hand. Louis took it without hesitation and they walked back inside.

Everything now looked completely different. It was busy. Nurses and doctors kept running from a to b. He looked into the different rooms. All of them had patients in them, some with family members next to their beds, some not.

“I feel sorry for the ones that never get visitors. I often sit next to their beds and just talk to them. I know they can’t hear me, but-“ she just shrugged her shoulders.

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah? Maybe.” He felt her sadness. His anger came back with full force. Louis wasn’t angry at Nadia this time, he hated the situation. He wasn’t dead and neither was this pure little girl next to him. That was just not possible. He came to a hold and knelt in front of her, taking both of her hands into his.

“Nadia, we are not dead. I’m sure. This is just a dream, or-“ He sighed. “Something! Something else. I don’t know. But I do know, that we can’t be dead.”

“Oh Louis, I thought we made it through that phase. We ARE dead. It sucks, yes, but that doesn’t make it untrue. Please try to accept this. I’m sure the sooner you do the sooner you can _leave_.”

“You accepted it, and still you are here.”

“I already told you. I like it here. It’s fun and I meet so many great people.”

“So you never want to leave?”

“Don’t know.”

“You keep saying that. Don’t you feel the need to find an answer to all this? Aren’t you curious at all?”

Nadia pulled away and started walking again. She avoided his question for a reason. And Louis wanted to know why. Maybe she really didn’t know. She just assumed all this and the reality could very well be completely different. There was a reason they were in a hospital, Louis was sure of that, but it definitely didn’t mean they were dead.

His head started to spin, nausea overpowered all his thoughts. “Nadia, I’m going to faint. I feel dizzy.”

She was right beside him in no time. “It’s okay. It’s good. That always happened to the others right before they left. Just lie down for a bit and it will go away, or you will be gone. Either way, it will be fine. 

_Harry?_

_Louis?_

_Harry!_

“Oh there you are again. Welcome back. I thought you left for good. But on the other hand it was unlikely with you not accepting your death!”

The fog in Louis’ head slowly cleared and he could make out the familiar small frame.

“How much time had passed?”

“Don’t know. Time is a not working concept here.”

“Right, sorry.” Louis still felt like he was run over by at least lorries.

“’s okay. Have you seen anything?” He shook his head. No he didn’t see anything.

_Louis?_

His eyes widened in shock. “But I heard something. Harry. He-“ Louis started to shake.

“You heard your boyfriend?” Louis nodded.

“Yes! He said my name. He knows I’m alive. He must be somewhere here in this hospital.”

“Louis, calm down.” He looked at her. Why wasn’t she as excited as he was? Sure it wasn’t someone she loved, but that meant they weren’t dead. Though her expression told a different story.

“I’m not sure how to tell you, but I think that means that Harry is dead as well. Maybe he is just in a different part of the building and we haven’t found him yet.”

Louis stopped breathing. No! This was not right. This was wrong, just wrong. Him being maybe dead was one thing, but Harry. Unacceptable. 

Both of them sat in the middle of a busy floor. Louis was not able to move. He wasn’t even willing to try. Nadia’s hand was on his. He barely felt her touch.

“Tell me about him.” She said, finally sounding like the child she was again. Louis just couldn’t stand her _grown up_ voice.

“He is polite, kind, too kind. And funny, goofy,  a proper dork. He is smart and sweet. He can make you laugh when you need it. And he has the perfect shoulders to cry on. He is soft, but so strong. He is childish and mature. He is sexy and pure.” Silence filled the space between them. Nadia laid her head on Louis lap.

“Sounds great. I like him.”

“He is everything. He can’t be dead.” Louis started to cry. The little girl didn’t move. Louis started slowly to stroke her hair.

“I don’t-“

“You don’t know. I know, little angel. I’m sorry. I know all of this is not your fault and I know this must be hard for you as well. Meeting people, telling them what you know, dealing with all their emotions and then watching them leave you again.”

“Sometimes I hate it.” She whispered, now crying as well. “I like it here. I wasn’t lying to you, but sometimes it’s a lot to handle. A lot to process.” She sniffled. And there it was. Her adult voice again. It broke Louis’ heart even more.

“Did you have someone when you first came here?”

“No. I was alone. It was scary.” Louis nodded. Of course it was terrifying and still she had the strength to take care of others. He leaned down and kissed her head.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Louis let his eyes wander. The corridors seemed to be calmer now. Very few nurses walked around and the last visitors were leaving. So it must have been late afternoon. What would they do throughout the night? Just sit here, without moving?

“What did you do before-“

“I was a musician, in a band with 3 others.” He said, smiling sadly. “But we just started a two year break. We needed to figure some things out and I guess we needed to find ourselves.”

“Was Harry one of them?” Louis sighed.

“Yes. Yes he was. This was a bit of a problem though.” Was it okay to talk about this with a _dead_ ten year old? Louis had no idea what to do and what not.

“Why was it a problem? Were the others jealous of you?” Louis giggled a little. It felt good and wrong at the same time.

“No, angel. They were fine with it. But the people in charge of us had a problem with the idea of two boys in the same band dating. So we had to hide our relationship.”

“Sounds bad. That’s not fair. Everyone should be able to love whoever they want.”

“You are right. And Harry is just amazing. He can give you so much love even when you don’t deserve it. He is always there-“

Louis suddenly felt dizzy again. Before he knew it everything went black.

_Louis? Lou, can you hear me. Please open your eyes._

_Harry._

There he was again. Louis was sure that this was Harry’s voice. It could only be Harry’s and he asked him to open his eyes. So that meant he wasn’t dead, right? Louis struggled to gain control over his body.

_For Harry. Open your eyes. Do it for Harry._

Every part of Louis’ body hurt. He was tired and still felt sick. But he was alive, so much he knew. Slowly he opened his eyes. There was only a dim light but it still caused a stabbing pain behind his eyelids.

“Harry” he coaxed.

“I’m here, baby. Right here. God, you are awake. I love you. You hear me? I love you so fooking much.” Louis’ heart broke when he heard the tears in his boyfriend’s voice. He hated the fact that he was the reason for those tears.

“Don’t cry.” He tried to sit up, but felt two strong hands pushing him down again.

“Don’t move, Lou. You will rip open the stitches. Do you remember what happened?”

Louis only shook his head, suddenly too exhausted to speak. He felt his eyes close again, no matter how hard he tried to fight it.

“It’s okay, go back to sleep, you need it. I’m not leaving. I will stay with you.” With that, Louis fell back asleep.

The pain was way less intense the next time Louis woke up. His eyes opened almost without problems and he blinked a few times before he could clearly see. Right next to his bed was he. _Harry._ He sat down in a hospital chair, his head hanging to his right. It looked terrible uncomfortable.

“Hazz?” He whispered, not sure if he really wanted to wake him up. Louis was sure that his boyfriend hadn’t slept much lately. But before he could decide if he wanted to call his name again or not Harry woke up and rushed over to him.

“Louis! Hey honey, how are you? Do you need more pain medication? I can call the doctor.” Louis raised his hand and stroked Harry’s cheek weakly.

“Water.” He said. His throat felt beyond dry. Harry grabbed a glass of water from the bedside table. He slowly let a few drops of water cover Louis’ lips. It felt like heaven.

“The doctors told me not to let you drink too much. You wouldn’t be able to swallow very well. You had a tube in your throat for several days. They only took it out yesterday. God, Louis, I’m so happy you are awake.” He felt Harry’s soft lips on his forehead.

“Nadia.” Louis tried to clear his throat. He wanted to tell Harry how much he loved him and how sorry he was, but his brain kept going back to the little girl. If he was still alive then so was Nadia. He was sure of it.

“Who is Nadia?” Harry looked confused. Or concerned? What is when Nadia was just a dream or an imagination? Was she real?

Harry let a few more drops of water drip on his lips. It felt even better than the last time.

“Lou, who is Nadia?” The same tone, only a little softer.

Louis needed to tell him. If there was even a small chance of her being real then he needed to do something.

“A girl. Little girl. Ten years old. Brown hair, green eyes. She must be here somewhere.”

“I will call a doctor. I think you are a little confused, but that’s fine. You are awake, that’s great. Everything else will get back to normal soon.”

Harry was out of the room before Louis could protest. Was he crazy? He felt such a strong connection to that girl. And he wasn’t even sure if she was real. Maybe that was just his brain trying to help him through this. But why would his subconscious try to tell him he was dead?

The doctor came and examined him thoroughly. The tall slim man seemed to be pleased with the results, which made Harry smile. Louis' heart skipped a beat. Seeing Harry smile gave him enough strength to speak again.

“Doctor? Can I ask you a question?” This time he clearly recognized his own voice. It was a little rougher than usually, but definitely his.

“Sure, Mister Tomlinson.”

“Is there a little girl named Nadia in this hospital? She is ten years old and has brown hair?” He felt Harry’s hand covering his own. “Honey, what are you talking about?”

Louis didn’t answer, he watched the tall man, who stared at him as if he had seen a ghost.

“I’m not allowed to tell you about other patients in the coma ward, Mister Tomlinson.”

With that he left the room, leaving Louis with just enough information to make sure that he knew he was right.

A few days went by before Louis could do anything about it, though. He told Harry everything, always watching him closely to see if he believed him. But he did. Harry always did.

The days went by so slowly. It was almost agonizing.  His entire family came to visit. Seeing their relieved faces was the hardest thing he had ever experienced. He couldn’t even imagine what his mom, stepdad and siblings went through. It was a little easier with Liam and Niall because they tried to lighten the mood with dirty jokes. Bless Niall and his happy attitude. Ann and Gemma tried their best not to cry, but Louis saw how exhausted they looked. He wanted to apologize. He just didn’t know how. To say it was one thing, but they would just brush it off and tell him to shut up.

Then there was Harry. He only left his side to take a quick shower in the expansive private hospital room. But after that he was right back at Louis’ side. They talked a lot and Harry explained what happened. How the car rammed Louis’ and that the guy tried to drive away, but was stopped by a very brave man who had witnessed everything. He also told him how management tried to keep him away from the hospital and how he told them to fuck off.

Louis wasn’t sure if he got everything Harry told him, but he was pretty sure that he said that they were officially out of the closet now. Louis suddenly felt so much energy going through his body. _He was out_. He couldn’t believe it. He could leave this hospital hand in hand with his boyfriend. No more stunting, no more lying and no more hiding.

“I’m so happy, Hazz. And I’m so sorry for-“

“Don’t say that! I don’t want to hear that. No one wants to hear that! It is not your fault. And you are here now. In a couple of days I can take you home and make sure that you stay safe.”

Louis smiled.  He slowly gestured Harry down. He wanted to kiss him and never let go. Harry obeyed happily. Though after a few seconds of kissing he let go, looking at Louis a little concerned.

“What is it?”

“I let one of our _guys_ dig around a little. They found Nadia. You were right. She is a little girl named Nadia Stokes, she also had a car accident. Like Doctor Collins mentioned, she is in the coma ward.”

“I have to go to her. Harry, she needs to know that she is not dead. Maybe if I talk to her she will realize that she just needs to wake up.”

“It is not that simple, Lou.” Harry leaned his head onto Louis' chest, careful not to put too much pressure onto his bruised torso. “She is in no good state. She has been here for over a year now. The doctors don’t think she will make it. To be honest, they thought she would be dead by now.”

Louis closed his eyes. Nadia was real. That was a relief. He knew what to do, even if that meant to tell a little girl in a coma to let go.

“I want to see her. Can we arrange that?” He asked weakly.

Harry tried to convince the doctors, but they refused. Louis was not a part of her family so he had no right to visit her.

“Please let me at least talk to her mother.” Louis begged.

“Fine.” Was all Doctor Collins said.

Louis was nervous. What do you say to a woman that is too close to losing her daughter?

 _Hi. I’m Louis. I met Nadia in a coma dream. She seems very nice. Can I talk to her for a second? Don’t worry, I’m not a pervert, I just want to tell her that it is okay to die_. 

He wasn’t allowed into the coma ward without permission of a family member. But Doctor Collins told him that Nadia’s mother went down to the canteen to get a coffee, every day at 3 pm. Louis only needed one glance at the woman and knew that this was Nadia’s mother.

He walked slowly over to her. “Mrs. Stokes? Hello, my name is Louis Tomlinson. I’m not sure what to tell you, but I met you daughter once and when I heard she was here I felt heartbroken.” He rambled, knowing very well that what he said didn’t make much sense. Louis waited for her to tell him to get lost or for her to start yelling at him.

“Thank you, Mister Tomlinson. Doctor Collins warned me about you. He told me everything you said. And that you think you met my daughter in a kind of in between world.” Louis’ heart started to race. His bruises seemed to hurt twice as much as normally.

“I know it sounds weird. And I would understand if you want me to leave immediately-“

“I believe you.” Louis was taken aback. Did he just hear correctly?

“Come with me, please, I would like to talk to you a little more private.”

Louis followed her to the lifts. She pressed the third button. The coma ward, Louis remembered.

“Doctor Collins has been Nadia’s doctor for over a year now. I trust him. He's even become somewhat of a friend. Anyways, from time to time he told me that some patient that just woke up mentioned a little girl named Nadia, but he never told me what they said exactly. Until yesterday. Something about you seemed to have changed his mind.” As the lift stopped and the doors opened she stepped outside and gestured Louis to follow her. They walked down a long floor to the last room on the right. Next to the door was a big window. Louis stopped breathing. There she was. Nadia. Lying in a bed, surrounded by so many machines. He could hear the faint beeping of the heart monitor. It was rhythmically but haunting at the same time.

“Tell me Mister-

“Louis, just Louis, please.” She nodded.

“Nicole.” She introduced herself with a soft smile. Louis was surprised to see almost no sorrow. The smile was genuine.

“Tell me Louis, what do you know about her? What did you talk about?”

Louis thought for a moment. This situation was more than surreal, but he gathered all his memories and told Nicole. He told her how nice her daughter is. And how smart. That she had a tendency to sound like an adult and that she always talked to the other coma patients. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to mention that she thought she was already dead, but he did.

“My baby angel. She is something very special. Thank you for keeping her company while you were with her.” She took his hand and squeezed it. Louis’ eyes filled with tears.

“Louis? I know it is hard, but can you talk to her? Tell her that it is okay to let go?”

He didn’t move. He knew she was right and to be honest it was his plan to convince her to let him talk to Nadia, but she asking him to do it was just too much. He turned to look Nicole in the eyes. She was crying as well, but her eyes were warm and soft. She was ready to let her angel go. It seemed like Louis was her last hope.

“I will.”

He walked into the room with heavy feet and immediately recognized the smell. The clean nothingness. He started sobbing. This was so hard. He wanted to run. Get out of this room and let this little angle live forever in her small world.

It wasn’t right, she deserved to find her peace. However that might look like. But wandering the halls was not it. She needed to _leave_.

Louis sat down next to the bed. He didn’t dare to touch her. He just looked at the tiny frame. Her eyes were closed but he knew that she had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen. Full of kindness and happiness.

“Hey, Nadia. It’s me, Louis. I’m not sure if you can remember me. I was a guest in your world for a while and you have been the best host imaginable. Thank you for that.” He felt stupid. What was he doing? But he kept going.

“I talked to your mom. She is a great woman. And she loves you so much.” He looked out of the window and into Nicole’s eyes. She gave him a small encouraging nod.

“She is ready, you know. She is ready to let you go, angel. I know you like these halls, but I’m sure there is a much nicer place for you. You just need to go. Leave all of this behind. Be happy, without all those people you need to take care of. Let someone take care of you for once. Please can you do that for me? For your mom?” Louis laid his head on the edge of her bed and whispered: “For yourself.”

 

* * *

 

One year later, Louis and Harry walked up the small hill of the cemetery. It was windy and Louis took a deep breath. The air was fresh and it smelled like wet grass. They came to a hold right under an old weeping willow. Louis always liked this kind of tree, no matter how sad their name was. The massive stem indicated that this one was older them him and Harry combined. 

He looked down. And there it was. Nadia’s name was carved into a dark grey stone with a little butterfly underneath.

**_Hey angel, tell me do you ever try  
to come to the other side?_ **

After Nicole asked them if she could use this line, Louis cried for days. It hurt so much. It took him one year to come here after the funeral. And now he stood here with Harry and his own little angel.

He took Harry’s free hand and leaned down to kiss the wriggling bundle on Harry’s hip.

“You see that, my dear Nadia? She is the girl that helped me to come back and that’s why you have her name. I will tell you everything about her one day. And I hope you will be just as kind and happy as she was.

“She will. We are doing everything to make sure she will.” Harry told his husband before giving him a kiss.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Please tell me! 
> 
>  
> 
> [ My tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/greenmeetsblue221b/)


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